Starting from scratch

Tomorrow I finish Week 5 of 12 of my Nike+ Walk to Run program. I’m almost halfway done with the program, and that feels amazing. Even more amazing? Going for a run with my mom and sister Shannon for the first time during their stay in Des Moines last weekend. It felt INCREDIBLE to do something with them I’ve never been able to do before, to show them just how much progress I’ve made. My sister runs for 90 minutes straight in her soccer practices and games several times a week, so I have a feeling she’ll always be a model of something to work towards. She’s an inspiration, my fitness role model, and she perseveres in ways that give me strength when I’m ready to give up.

The boyfriend (AKA running partner) told me the other day that I’m not the same girl he met less than a year ago, and I’m certainly not the same runner. One of the things I love about fitness and exercise is visible, quantifiable growth. I could say I’m not the same girl I was a year ago because I’ve become comfortable in a new city, because I’ve realized how to be a good friend (and more often, how not to be a good friend) to the people I care about, but those can’t be measured. I can look back upon the person I once was, but hindsight is never accurate, and it’s certainly not objective. But I can easily look back and say, five weeks ago I could not run half of what I’m running every day now, and five weeks ago I had never put on a pair of ballet slippers and done a rond de jambe à terre at the barre.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a pretty intense person. I live a “go big or go home” lifestyle — I’m either all in, or not in at all. That’s why when I wanted to start running, I committed to a twelve week program. It’s why I chose ballet instead of lifting dumbbells when I wanted to become stronger. Starting from scratch, blank slate, is how I learn. It’s how I commit. And this isn’t the first time I’ve done it — I put in a year on the swim team during my junior year of high school with no competitive swimming experience, one of the greatest challenges I’ve undergone. I’m not afraid to push myself with things that are brand new to me; if anything, it’s an escape from the perfectionism I’ve struggled with throughout my adolescent and adult life. I can’t be perfect at something if I’ve never done it before, right? I’ll keep pushing myself for the next seven weeks of my running program, and I’ll keep showing up to ballet class each week (forsaking my daily lunchtime Veronica Mars viewings) because I love the feeling of development and progress. What’s next? Probably a rock climbing class. But one step at a time…

On fast-paced lives and faster-paced running

Much of what I’ve read seen on Pinterest about running comes back to one statement: that runners (or people training to be runners, in my case) need to be selfish. They need to make time for running, they need to be unforgiving with their priorities, and they need to sacrifice other things to run because that will make them better and stronger. I see this in the men and women who run past our tall office windows each morning and afternoon — runners who passed up going to lunch with a friend or gave up that break to squeeze in some running time. Maybe it means they have to eat alone at their desks; maybe it means they head back to work a little sweatier than they arrived. But they chose to run because it’s part of who they are, and because they make it a priority among all the other things calling for their interest and attention.

Now, I’ve always been someone who enjoys being busy. Typically, it’s because I fall in love with organizations and causes and people and refuse to let them go. Sometimes, it’s because I need activities and meetings and committees to take my mind off the things churning in my head. Perhaps it’s to meet people, to feel like I’m making an impact, or to have people recognize that I’m making an impact. But whatever the reason, I’m no stranger to a full schedule. Something else I’m no stranger to? Selfishness. I’m not sure if the people in my life realize I’m selfish, but I am, and I’ve always known that I am. It might be something that comes with being a first-born female, but I do what I need to do to be happy, or to succeed, or to win, and I often don’t care what I give up in the process. I live alone because I hate when people use my things, when people are in my way, when I can’t do exactly what I want to do, when I want to do it. And so I do love the idea of being selfish because I need to run, and not letting people or commitments or time constraints stand between me and my run.

Selfishness is how I’m able to make running a priority. I’ve taken something I dreaded and made it something I look forward to every day, and I’ve made it become something that feels better and better for me each day I do it. Running is a priority now — it might even be the priority now, under my jobs, family, and the boyfriend — and I have no qualms about taking a longer lunch break or that third shower or arriving late because I was running. And while my life will undoubtedly keep its pace, I feel strong to know that this energy and strength and badassness I feel from running will wedge itself into my busy schedule, because I need to run. My muscles need to feel sore at the end of the day, and I need to feel the sweat of a difficult workout on my skin. It’s intoxicating.

Oh yeah…I already have a fitness blog.

In the past week, I’ve struggled to control my tumblr activity so as not to inundate my tumblr followers with my proud remarks about achieving my fitness goals. Seven days later, it’s just occurred to me that I already have a fitness blog, and that my compulsion to write about my fitness successes and challenges could take place here. It’s been quite a while since I last updated this blog, and even in the past week, I’ve had more success than I did in the weeks and months I maintained this blog as part of a class assignment. I’m not sure if blogging about fitness is something I can stick to, but at least I have an (already existing) area to share when I want to.

I’m in the midst of Week One, Day Seven of a twelve week “Walk to Run” program through Nike+. Their Coach programs range from the basic, like mine, to more advanced plans for half-marathoners and marathoners. By the end of these twelve weeks (mid-August), I will be able to successfully run 1.86 miles (but, of course, I’m rounding up to two full miles) in about 30 minutes. Although I’m only one week in, I’m already loving the program — having an external source tell me what to do each week, paced for my progress, is the motivation I needed to get started. In my mind, I had no idea how long or how far I should try to run each day, and the Coach program solves that problem for me. And Nike+ helps along the way, tracking my distance, time, pace, calories burned, and more. I’m also using the MapMyFITNESS app, similar to Nike+ GPS, to track Rollerblading for the times I head over to Gray’s Lake for a 2-mile lap around the lake.

The Nike+ Coach program I’m using schedules a rest day every Thursday, which is an incredibly useful coincidence, since I’m starting to take weekly ballet classes during the lunch hour on Thursdays. This means that my Thursdays won’t be completely inactive, but because I’m mixing up the endurance training with some strength and flexibility training, I’m hoping that’s enough of a rest to give myself. Ballet is damn hard — the footwork and leg motions are second nature due to my Irish dancing background, but posture is the area where I struggle. I hold my torso slanted a bit, so ballet will force me to be conscious of my posture in front of the mirror and in day-to-day life.

I’ll lift weights every once in a while in the fitness room in my apartment building, but I’m really planning to round out the ballet with a quick yoga video through my Apple TV. Netflix has a video for streaming that allows me to choose from among five 10-minute yoga programs, so my lunch hour on Tuesdays will include a mix of one or two of those programs, just so I can keep up with the “strength and stretch” portion of my fitness training.

Goals? Above and beyond, I just want to feel capable. I want to know that I can run a mile easily (something I’ve never been able to do), and I want to build up the strength I lost when I stopped Irish dancing. There were 5 years in there where my physical activity ceased altogether, and while my physical appearance isn’t a significant motivating factor, my body knows that something was missing, and now I’m trying to add that element into my daily lifestyle. It’s not important to me that I lose weight, or that I am able to lift 10 or 15 pounds or run quickly — this is more about the long haul.

That aside, a few goals I will put on paper: 2 miles by mid-August, and running a 5K in October. I plan to keep training during the winter (maybe adding in swimming?) and run an 8K in conjunction with the Drake Relays in April. Do you think I can do it? Because I know I can. :)